I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
