and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
