I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
