all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
