oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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