she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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