I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
