Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
