my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love you. Go after that dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
