I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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