Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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