I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
