I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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