Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
