Say something about gay babies.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
