I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize