why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
