we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
