the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize