Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He better not be in your backpack
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
