dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize