yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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