If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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