If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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