I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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