So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
