in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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