i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize