are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
