I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
