was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
