You don't have asthma, your pregnant
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
