don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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