I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize