We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
