His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
