Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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