I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
