you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
