I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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