Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
