lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
