There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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