whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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