You really coming over, don't trick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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