just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize