My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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