if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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