9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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