you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
