I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
