...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
