did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
