My hand turned me down
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
