Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
