its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
