just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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