This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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