white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
