If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
