put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Two words: blizzard sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
