I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize