Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
