Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
