she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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