Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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