She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
