Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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