The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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