hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize