she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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