before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Even my vagina gasped.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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