If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
