hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how can u be prego again
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
