I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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