i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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