So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
