I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
