So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
