thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
