dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
