im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
