Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im holly from the hills drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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