Who wears a wallet chain?!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
