Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
