i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
