Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
