i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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