Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
