i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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