I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
