Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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