with your own penis?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
