so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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