I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
