I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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