I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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