One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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