My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
