So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
