Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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