He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
