you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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