i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
