Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
