there was a trapeze. enough said
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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