I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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