Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
