he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
